Give yourself permission to have work-life balance
I was having a chat with a new friend today and we were exchanging stories about being working parents. I struggle with kids' schedules, days off school I failed to plan for, unexpected things (cars break down, kids get sick, life happens) while simultaneously trying to "do my job."
I put do my job there in quotes because sometimes it is in quotes. Sometimes everything is great and we're firing on all cylinders, while other times we're barely keeping our heads above water. My friend indicated that she struggled with all these things and more but she expressed surprise that *I* did. We all do and we shouldn't be afraid to tell people that. My life isn't my job. At least, my goal is that my life isn't my job.
Why are you in the race?
We talked a while and we decided that our lives and our careers are a marathon, not a giant sprint. Burning out early helps no one. WHY are we running? What are we running towards? Are you trying to get promoted, a better title, more money for your family, an early retirement, good healthcare? Ask yourself these questions so you at least know and you're conscious about your motivations. Sometimes we forget WHY we work.
Saying no is so powerful and it isn't something you can easily learn and just stick with - you have to remind yourself it's OK to to say no every day. I know what MY goals are and why I'm in this industry. I have the conscious ability to prioritize and allocate my time. I start every week thinking about priorities, and I look back on my week and ask myself "how did that go?" Then I optimized for the next week and try again.
Sometimes Raw Effort doesn't translate to Huge Effect.
She needed to give herself permission to NOT give work 100%. Maybe 80% it OK. Heck, maybe 40%. The trick was to be conscious about it, rather than trying to give 100% twice.
Yes, there are consequences. Perhaps you won't get promoted. Perhaps your boss will say you're not giving 110%. But you'll avoid burnout and be happier and perhaps accomplish more over the long haul than the short.
Work Life
Look, I realize that I'm privileged here. There's a whole knapsack of privilege to unpack, but if you're working in tech you likely have some flexibility. I'm proposing that you at least pause a moment and consider it...consider using it. Consider where your work-life balance slider bar is set and see what you can say no to, and try saying yes to yourself.
I love this quote by Christopher Hawkins that I've modified by making a blank space for YOU to fill out:
The Red Queen's Race
Are you running because everyone around you is running? You don't always need to compare yourself to other people. This is another place where giving yourself permission is important.
"Well, in our country," said Alice, still panting a little, "you'd generally get to somewhere else—if you run very fast for a long time, as we've been doing."
"A slow sort of country!" said the Queen. "Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!" - Red Queen's Race
There's lots of people I admire, but I'm not willing to move to LA to become Ryan Reynolds (he stole my career!) and I'm not willing to work as hard as Mark Russinovich (he stole my hair!) so I'm going to focus on being the best me I can be.
What are you doing to balance and avoid burnout?
* Stock photo by #WOCTechChat used with Attribution
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Scott Hanselman is a former professor, former Chief Architect in finance, now speaker, consultant, father, diabetic, and Microsoft employee. He is a failed stand-up comic, a cornrower, and a book author.
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Thiago Lemos
This is a issue that I struggle with every day- the expectation being a good employee and contributing while taking time for myself.
In all honesty, I also struggle with feeling taken advantage of because I don't have children. Should I feel guilty about leaving work on time when my need to clear my head is personal and someone else has another life to take care of? I've never been confronted by any employer with this kind of feedback. But in an industry where perception can often be reality, the perception of leaving to personal reasons carries less weight.
Hopefully our comments let others feel more comfortable with expressing this.
One trick to learn what can be changed and should change is to radically not do what you tell yourself you MUST do. E.g. if you must check work stuff in the weekend, deliberately not check anything work related in the coming weekend and see what happens. If you tell yourself you must work past 5PM, stop working at 5PM next week every day, even if you think you need to chime in just 5 more minutes. See what happens.
Did the world stop? Likely not. Things proceeded as they did before, with one difference: you had more time to spend on things outside work, e.g. fun things. Yeah, work is often fun too, but don't see work==your fun, as work also means obligations, expectations and dependencies.
It's not easy to make this change. As a co-owner of a company I thought I had to work all the time otherwise competitors would best me. This eventually made me crash down hard of course and I picked up a hobby outside computers (fishing at sea). No way to check email/work stuff or work on code. It made me realize that things don't keel over if you don't work all the time, and as the disconnected nature of the side activity made it (nearly) impossible to 'cheat' it was _the_ way to open my eyes.
I see a lot of people who are over 40 slowly realize that things outside work matter maybe even more than work itself. When you're in your 20-ies or 30-ies, these things matter less it seems.
Take your time. In general, things won't keel over if things are finished tomorrow instead of today: in the grand scheme of things, within a couple of years that day extra is completely irrelevant. But you otoh might still suffer from the exta stress it gave.
Live!
It is a term which also can make people enjoying their work guilty because "they don't have a life".
What you really mean is either that you want to allocate less time in professional activities and more into personal one.
OR that you don't want to shit where you eat. (in the sense of not doing your job at the same location as you relax)
And yes, when you are a developper, the flexibility is unlimited. It is possible to live by working only 4 hours per week for a US customer while still having a great life in a cheap country like Thailand.
;)
Code at the best time of the day for me (which is early morning) and postpone emails, calls and other mandatory activities later.
Always treat emails in batch mode and never look at emails after 20pm.
Spending at least two hours with kids during week day (no matter playing, eating, showering...).
At least 10 minutes of mindfulness meditation per day, this just works.
2x 1h30 of jogging every week (which is definitely the best time for me to plan next coding, I count it as work)
Zero work during the weekend.
It clears your head and makes you realize what's important in your life.
Good to see that my blog stuck with you and that something resonated. It really is so easy to get totally consumed by things that don't matter. Thanks for this article, and thanks for including me in it.
Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. They are Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you're keeping all of these in the air.
You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four Balls - Family, Health, Friend and Spirit - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it.
Work efficiently during office hours and leave on time. Give the required time to your family, friends & have a proper rest.
I really struggle to answer this question as when i am tired and coming back from work I love to spend few hours on any video game and relax but then at the same time I wonder if I practice more of .Net i can become a great dev but our minds cannot take more than a certain amount of pressure. striking a balance between learning + working + hobbies is the most difficult thing in my life. I hope one day i will find the right balance :)
maybe i should become a video game developer :D
I am also debating about going back for the Masters I never finished in college. The world is competitive now and if I don't look good enough on paper, I can be passed up when I have to make job changes.
I would love to have a job that would support me and help me grow but I am not sure that is always going to be realistic. It can be hard getting to a point where you can really do what you want in your life. I wish I had worked harder when I was younger.
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